One of my 101 in 1001 goals was to get a new fruit or vegetable and make something with it. I decided to try an Asian bitter melon.

The inside was beautiful and reminded me of a pomegranate.

I scooped out the seeds, salted it, then washed the salt off (this is supposed to get rid of some of the bitterness), chopped it up, and made a stir fry.

Not very pretty, but pretty yummy…except the bitter melon. I guess I’m not sure what I expected, but it was BITTER! Jared and I both gave it a good try and had a few bites before we picked the rest out of our meal and ate the rice, onions, cabbage, and fake chicken. Now we know we aren’t huge fans of bitter melon.

We also finally made it to a library story time after a few failed attempts/ story times that were not for the right age group. I’m getting into a few more bands, too, which is fun. It has been hard to make progress on some of the list now that Jonas is mobile!

Jared mentioned learning in a sociology class how it has been shown that women who wear a wedding ring to a job interview are less likely to get a job and men who wear one are more likely to get one. The women are perceived as more likely to be flaky because it is assumed their first loyalties are to their families. Men are perceived as more likely to be reliable because they have a stable family situation. He said his professor laughed at how ridiculous this was and mentioned how many (marketable!) skills she has had to learn as a new parent. This got me thinking about some of the skills I put to use on a daily basis in my role as a mom. There is definitely a lot more to it than changing diapers and reading board books, though those are important too!

Prioritizing
This morning, the baby pooped so I took off his diaper to find a blowout (rare with cloth diapers, but they still do sometimes happen). He squirmed away before I could wipe him, and got poop on a pillow that was on the floor. So I had a naked baby, a poopy diaper that needed to be sprayed off, and a dirty pillow. What to do first? I set the diaper on the changing table, wiped off the baby, put a new diaper on him, then dealt with the dirty diaper and the pillow.

Problem Solving
I closed the door to the baby’s room so he could play while I sprayed off his dirty diaper. He decided to stand up against the door. When I finished, he started to fuss because he could hear me but couldn’t see me, but he also didn’t realize that he had to stop leaning against the door if he wanted me to come in. Pushing over the door and knocking him over didn’t seem like a good option. I grabbed one of his favorite toys from the next room, then opened the door gently, just a crack, and threw the toy in. It worked! He got down from the door to go for the toy, and I could open the door the rest of the way to come in.

Coming together despite differences
Jonas and I regularly attend a play group for moms and babies born in 2012-2014. There are members who are very similar to us, values and interest wise, and those who are pretty different. We always have fun when we go, and it has shown me that I can have friends who are friends because of a shared life experience or stage, and not necessarily because we like the same music.

Negotiation
You don’t want to sit in the high chair anymore while I finish cleaning up from our meal? What if I sing Chantilly Lace and do a ridiculous dance with it? Perfect.

You don’t want to let go of the toilet paper? Have a rubber duck! Everyone’s happy.

Not Avoiding Uncomfortable Situations
This is one I am still working on. I noticed if the baby starts fussing, my first instinct is to look away. If I look him in the eyes, though, it actually will usually calm him down. Plus, I want him to know that his feelings are heard and that I am there for him, even when his feelings are difficult.

Asking for Help
This one is still a challenge for me as well. I am working on it every day!

Dealing with Change
Just when I think I have mommyhood figured out, it is different! Teething! Crawling! Sometimes things that used to work don’t work anymore. Sometimes I have to try things that haven’t worked in months and suddenly they are perfect again. I’ve also learned to see the joy in this! How amazing to have a baby who is learning at such an incredible pace that it can feel like being with a new human every day!

Just Keep Going
This one is the biggest. Sometimes I am running on four hours of sleep. I haven’t showered in four days. My arms are sore. I just want a break. Parenthood, particularly when I am the only one at home, or when I am the only person who can provide the kind of care needed (those middle of the night nursing sessions, for example), has shown me that even when I am exhausted, when there is parenting to do, you just do it.

Other Knowledge and Skills
I have become more proficient in nutrition and food preparation, in cognitive development and human psychology, house cleaning and maintenance, and even in American Sign Language. I have gotten physically stronger from carrying the baby.

So far, being a parent, as cliche as it sounds, has been the most difficult, but most rewarding job I have done. It is so awesome to have a “job” that is just MY LIFE, if that makes sense. There isn’t a separation between what I do and who I am, and that makes even the hard parts amazing. I am learning and growing every day and am so thankful.

This Friday, we went to Long Beach for Jer’s cousin’s wedding.

I could not believe the amount of stuff we had to bring for one night (the stroller stayed at home). I guess that’s what happens with a cloth diapered seven month old when the grownups need clothes for a formal event and there is a possible beach trip involved (we didn’t end up going to the beach).

It was Jonas’s first hotel stay. Aunt Sadie watched Jonas and his cousins and they had a lot of fun.

It was fun getting dressed up and having a mini date night, too.

Jonas needed his Mommy for bedtime so I left around 9:30. I got to enjoy some Full House and Friends reruns and big fluffy hotel pillows while I nursed him to sleep.

The next day, we had breakfast with a bunch of the family and then Jonas helped us pack up.

He took a nap on the comfy hotel bed and then we headed home!

Pulling himself up in the milk crate

Sitting up to play

Finding things to play with

Swinging

Hanging out with friends

Feeding Himself

So I was definitely just a MOM and took like 12 pictures of Jonas sleeping. I remember as a kid, my sister and I woke up to our parents taking pictures of us sleeping and we thought they were really weird. I totally get it now. Babies and kids are just beautiful when they sleep, and it is also a time when you can take a deep breath and just look at them without them wiggling all over the place! Here are a couple of my favorites from today:

In other exciting news, Jonas has now tried banana and mango and in a few days, he will try pears. Yesterday he turned a book page by himself! Today he rocked out on the piano.

Our beautiful baby turned six months old on March 16th! We celebrated with his first solid food: avocado. He loved it!

He took the bib off immediately.

Mmmmm

Valentine’s Day was my first “Facebook Free Friday.” I’ve done three so far. The idea is no looking at Facebook from when I wake up until 7pm when Jared gets home. I also don’t check Instagram or other sites, don’t send texts or call anyone, and only respond to emails or texts if they are important. It is a nice way to practice being less distracted for a day each week and I end up getting a lot done! On Valentine’s Day, I made this onesie for Jonas, which ended up smearing when he sweated in it, so we had to change him. Gram and Papa brought him some presents and a cute sticker that we put on his new outfit so he was still festive.

We also went to Michael’s for supplies and made some Valentines for the grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and great grandparents.

Jared and I had our Valentine’s Day  date a week late. It was our first post-baby date night! Jonas helped me get ready. We got our taxes done and had yummy sushi!

Picking up supplies for planting

Best of all, Bubby came to visit from February 24-March 4. We had a great time and did so much! We went to the mall, planted lettuce and radishes, set up Jonas’s high chair, had an adventure with Uncle Bobby in Venice Beach for Aunt Sadie’s birthday, and a lot more. Jonas LOVED Bubby and thought she was hilarious. We both miss her already!

Hanging out at dinner

With Uncle Bobby who said he is “delicious”

I think about being mindful and present with my baby pretty much constantly while I am awake. That is far from saying I am fully present with my baby constantly while I’m awake, but I am pretty much always thinking about it– wondering if I am finding the right balance between interacting with him and doing other things I need or want to do.

I imagine other parents have figured it out. I hear about them setting their baby up in a swing in the bathroom while they shower and I think, “Oh, so that is ok,” or I read that someone’s baby is playing quietly at their feet as they write in their blogs. I go back and forth between feeling like I should be talking to and looking at him constantly, even while doing things like putting away the dishes and thinking things like “you need some time to yourself! Let him fuss for a minute, finish responding to that facebook message from three days ago!”

It was when I realized that I felt guilty for going to the bathroom and for sitting down to eat lunch, but still also felt like I was spending the time I WAS playing, and should have been, a little too distracted, that I decided I needed to come up with some rules for myself. I don’t really want to call them rules, though, I want to call them practices– the way meditation is a practice, because I don’t think you can ever really perfect the balance.

The first thing I want to remember is a lesson from the show Parks and Recreation. In the sitcom, Ron, the bristly but good hearted father figure tells Chris, a soon-to-be dad who is concerned about the safety of the crib they planned to buy something along the lines of “It’s not the crib that matters. If you are the kind of person who is worrying THIS much about which crib to get, you are going to be a great parent.” I think that applies here too. If I am thinking so much about how to best be present with my baby, and you are thinking about it enough to read this (if he weren’t sleeping I’m sure I’d be worried about taking the time to write it, and if your child isn’t sleeping you’re probably worried about taking the time to read it), then really, we are probably already doing just fine.

That being said, this is what I would like to try:

Don’t be attached to my phone and laptop. Check email and facebook a couple times a day, either when the baby is sleeping or when he is happily playing.

Turn off notifications on my phone–stop getting “Dings” for emails, texts, and facebook messages. Tell my family if something is an emergency, to call. Otherwise, actively check notifications during the times I set aside to do so.

If the baby NEEDS something, go to him. If he is fussing a lot (not just for a minute) and definitely if he is crying, that time is for him, even if it is just that he wants me to be there or to hold him.

Alternate what to do with happy, awake times. If there is one of these times in the morning and one in the afternoon, spend one playing with him and one doing something I want or need to do. Alternate the “me” times between chores, work, and real “me” time. The me time is the one I tend to forget. I am working from home and trying to keep the house manageably unfilthy, but sometimes I need to just spend half an hour reading a book. I have a feeling this will be difficult to actually put into practice, as I am already feeling guilty just typing it. “You mean, let the baby play with blocks and I sit there and read a book??” I’m thinking.Yes, sometimes I should do that. I need to remind myself that it is good for him to see me engage in acts of self-care as well, because it shows him I am my own person, that I deserve self-care, and ultimately that HE deserves self-care.

In addition to alternating within a day, alternate on days. If I have a busy Monday out and about, try to have a relaxed, fun, Tuesday.

Jonas happily playing with shapes

Alternate what to do with sleeping baby times. Sometimes take a nap with him. Other times, do something I want or need to do. Sleep is another thing that is suffering right now. I need to remember that I need to sleep, even if it is just to better care for Jonas.

And here’s a big one: Ditch the distraction and the guilt! If nothing else, I want to focus on this. When I am playing with or talking to Jonas, I want to try as hard as I can not to think about the other things I need or want to do. I don’t want to compose emails in my mind or plan what chores I’ll do during his next nap. On the other side of things, when I am doing laundry or writing a blog entry or taking a shower (remember, these things only happen if he isn’t expressing needs) I want to try not to spend that time feeling bad when my baby is happily playing.

We are making progress on our 101 in 1001!

Most recently, I got Jer one of his “just because” gifts: a Ducks Stanley Cup ring replica he had mentioned wanting.

We’ve been to 2 of our 15 hockey games, including the outdoor game at Dodger’s Stadium, which was a lot of fun. My sister Sadie came with us and we had a really good time. Jonas enjoyed it too! We all enjoyed beating the Kings 3-0. Kiss played at the game but I’m not counting that as taking him to a show. I want to take him to see a band his Daddy and I like for that one.

I’ve also been doing baby signs with Jonas since a little before he turned 4 months old. Some babies can start signing back as early as 6 months– it will be so cool to see him communicate this way!

The signs we’ve been using are:

Diaper

Up

milk

monkey

cat

mirror

Coming up next are baby proofing, investing some of our savings, and setting up a college fund for Jonas– not the most exciting, but important!

One of my 101 in 1001 items is to add money to my Kiva account and lend it. I first learned about Kiva when my stepsister gifted me and Jared a $50 donation in our name for our wedding in September 2012. It was such a unique gift and so nice to have a chance to do something for others when so much of our energy had been focused on ourselves! Kiva is a nonprofit that supports microfinancing organizations that make small loans around the world. I remember reading that small loans, particularly to women to start businesses, are one of the most effective ways to alleviate poverty in impoverished communities.

One of the cool things about Kiva is that it really is a loan. So once your lendee pays back the money, you can relend it to other borrowers! I’ve gotten to relend parts of the original $50 a few times, and I got an email saying I had $31 and some change to relend available. So today, I added $20 to my account so I could make two loans (they are made in increments of $25) and a small donation to Kiva’s operating expenses. I supported two young moms with businesses, one to a woman in Kyrgyzstan with three preschoolers who works as a teacher and owns a cattle business, and another to a woman in Kenya who owns a shop.

If you want to check it out, use my link and I can earn a bonus to lend! http://www.kiva.org/invitedby/beccaandjared7963